before i left my home sweet home, Pilipinas kung Mahal, i was goin nuts. i wanted to act normal, like im cool with the whole change-of-address and so-many-miles-away-from-home thing. i did not want to leave that impression of me = crying; me = dreading the very day of my departure; me = worried if things will turn out fine; me = scared of leaving the people and the things i used to love doin behind.
the result? my eyes were swollen the next day. our house help was joking saying the bisaya slang as "hubaga jopet oi..." lol!
really, my eyes were all puffy like it bloated or something… so embarrassing! i jcan't help myself not to cry when i hugged Mama Perps (my dad’s eldest sister whom i am so very close to), when my cousins cried (i cried with them), when Nanay Oning (our oldest cook, that the family have for like 51 years) hugged me and she was crying knowing im off to the US of A. i left Tuburan (my hometown, the town where the i have the greatest memories and found the bestest friends in the world) with a heavy heart. i did not expect to cry (again!) when i saw my childhood berks in Ayala. we were in a not-so-deserted-corner hugging knowing that things will never be again the same. and never did i imagine to cry a bucket of water during the last karaoke escapade of the FSI (college berks).
i was crying for so many reasons and so many obvious ones….
the result? my eyes were swollen the next day. our house help was joking saying the bisaya slang as "hubaga jopet oi..." lol!
really, my eyes were all puffy like it bloated or something… so embarrassing! i jcan't help myself not to cry when i hugged Mama Perps (my dad’s eldest sister whom i am so very close to), when my cousins cried (i cried with them), when Nanay Oning (our oldest cook, that the family have for like 51 years) hugged me and she was crying knowing im off to the US of A. i left Tuburan (my hometown, the town where the i have the greatest memories and found the bestest friends in the world) with a heavy heart. i did not expect to cry (again!) when i saw my childhood berks in Ayala. we were in a not-so-deserted-corner hugging knowing that things will never be again the same. and never did i imagine to cry a bucket of water during the last karaoke escapade of the FSI (college berks).
i was crying for so many reasons and so many obvious ones….
- of course, i will miss them terribly. :(
- the telephone, internet, webcam, etc... might be very useful, but i am a believer that even in the absence of words, a mere presence of a person gives so much comfort compared to what modern technology can do.
- when your far away from home, the tendency is you won’t have the exact view of how your family and friends are coping with life. they can sometimes be very discreet about their problems just so you will have a peace of mind.
- i would not be there and see my little cousins grow-up. i love my little cousins so much…
- i will miss all the latest buzz and chika in the showbizlandia. lol!
- i might not be in my cousins or friends wedding, or birthdays, or reunions, Christmas, the town fiesta, Sinulog…unlike before.
- i don’t like to give that “alienish” exterior to my cousins who were so little when i left Phil.
- i cried because i was scared of tomorrow.
And now looking back, exactly 1 week and 1 day after i r0de that plane, things are still very much the same. only that from a distant, you’ll see and realize a lot of things. the things you once overlooked and the things you thought you don’t have, are just somewhere in the surface waiting to be picked out.
an unexpected discovery is me loving New York at first sight. i really did not expect that i’ll love it here. (that would be for my next entry. heheh!)
i miss my tatay, my cousins, my friends and i miss home so much, but i did not leave them behind me, i took them with me. my heart is never too small for anything.
thing i did before i left home:
3 comments:
nice entry :)
last week ba to na nagchat ta? well anyway, that time kay i felt that you were still in Private..so far yet so far hehe near diay *wink*
hala! hala!! hala!!! asa na kah? there has been a lot of gatherings with frineds since you left, although things seem kinda the same, there's a nagging feeling that something is just missing. hmmmnnn.... i wonder what it is..., but i'll find out soon, i'm sure. haha
oh my God! i forgot na blogger na man d i koh! haha i've been to attached to my unfortunate soul titulo... gosh! :p
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