i was so happy yesterday, and i am much much happier now.
what a major improvement!
i have reached a conclusion that there will never be an absolute happiness, the same way as absolute misery... or absolute truth or absolute freedom. things will always be somewhere in between. a lesser or a higher degree of an emotion makes a remarkable difference to say that you are happy... or miserable... or when you know the actual truth.. or manifesting a sensation of being free.
so where i am now?
my degree of happiness is higher at this moment, so i'll say that i am happy! what about tomorrow? tomorrow is too far from now. my non-existent barometer has yet to figure that out.
LOL. i am getting too weird. i know that im weird, but this weirdness of looking for explanation... or in my constant analyzation of the could bes, had beens... had not been making an Einstein out of me, but more of a Veronika (Paulo Coelho's Veronika) minus the suicidal tendency of her paranoia. my good friend Cornelio, once compared me to Veronika.. i wish i can still recall his exact reason for saying such, but i do remember that it was one of Veronika's explantion with certain events... ah, now im curious! got to ask Corny and hope he won't be palugit. :p
do other people my age think and feel this way?(please say yes. heheh) this feeling of knowing a plan and unknown possibilities presents us with the unknown. (what else?) BUT we find ourself contending so we say, "ah, little mysteries are intriguing. the unknowns spice up our life!" but does it really?
sure, we find glory in achieving those close-to-impossible dreams; achievements nourishes confidence. but what about the other side of it? those who failed.... those who looked back and say, i wish i didn't do it. if only i listened to blah blah... our regrets of emotion are suddenly pouring down.
BUT (and again... we say no! we should not give too easily. oh no, no, no, no, no! life is beautiful!!! this is justified when people rise up after a downfall. oh... such courageous strong contender those people really are. how brave! they never never let go... we set our fears aside too, and look at them with our eyes full of admiration. BUT, what about those at the other side? those who let go?
i am not cynical, nor i am letting my pessimism drown me... i am only thinking of those who are cynical and let their pessimism drown them. i am most of all, not knowledgeable to any these things. i am at this point in life where i am neither here nor there... mentally wandering to explore my opposing forces. i am happy now, but will my non-existent barometer rise up? or will it be less than tomorrow? i am in nowhere in my universe to say that i have my dreams, i know what to do... but can i do it? and if i can, will it really serve its purpose?
maslow said, self-actualization.
mao siguro ni. wa pa na naku na achieve.
...rantings. heheh. nice. now, to catch my plane for chicago. au revoir! mabuhay!
what a major improvement!
i have reached a conclusion that there will never be an absolute happiness, the same way as absolute misery... or absolute truth or absolute freedom. things will always be somewhere in between. a lesser or a higher degree of an emotion makes a remarkable difference to say that you are happy... or miserable... or when you know the actual truth.. or manifesting a sensation of being free.
so where i am now?
my degree of happiness is higher at this moment, so i'll say that i am happy! what about tomorrow? tomorrow is too far from now. my non-existent barometer has yet to figure that out.
LOL. i am getting too weird. i know that im weird, but this weirdness of looking for explanation... or in my constant analyzation of the could bes, had beens... had not been making an Einstein out of me, but more of a Veronika (Paulo Coelho's Veronika) minus the suicidal tendency of her paranoia. my good friend Cornelio, once compared me to Veronika.. i wish i can still recall his exact reason for saying such, but i do remember that it was one of Veronika's explantion with certain events... ah, now im curious! got to ask Corny and hope he won't be palugit. :p
do other people my age think and feel this way?(please say yes. heheh) this feeling of knowing a plan and unknown possibilities presents us with the unknown. (what else?) BUT we find ourself contending so we say, "ah, little mysteries are intriguing. the unknowns spice up our life!" but does it really?
sure, we find glory in achieving those close-to-impossible dreams; achievements nourishes confidence. but what about the other side of it? those who failed.... those who looked back and say, i wish i didn't do it. if only i listened to blah blah... our regrets of emotion are suddenly pouring down.
BUT (and again... we say no! we should not give too easily. oh no, no, no, no, no! life is beautiful!!! this is justified when people rise up after a downfall. oh... such courageous strong contender those people really are. how brave! they never never let go... we set our fears aside too, and look at them with our eyes full of admiration. BUT, what about those at the other side? those who let go?
i am not cynical, nor i am letting my pessimism drown me... i am only thinking of those who are cynical and let their pessimism drown them. i am most of all, not knowledgeable to any these things. i am at this point in life where i am neither here nor there... mentally wandering to explore my opposing forces. i am happy now, but will my non-existent barometer rise up? or will it be less than tomorrow? i am in nowhere in my universe to say that i have my dreams, i know what to do... but can i do it? and if i can, will it really serve its purpose?
maslow said, self-actualization.
mao siguro ni. wa pa na naku na achieve.
...rantings. heheh. nice. now, to catch my plane for chicago. au revoir! mabuhay!
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