Monday, October 20, 2008

being twenty something

a friend emailed this to me, that right after reading. i felt a bit of comfort that everything will be alright. to whoever wrote this, thank you.


========

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they are not alone in there state of confusion that are our post grad years!!!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

late-st

i closed my blog a few months ago.

...a few months ago i closed all doors of emotions.

i thought i was okay, but im still not. (reading my previous entries. i was so naive and overly dramatic. i was such a drama queen... why was i like that? )

i was once told that one can only move on by taking the first step out... my question is, where? to a better place? is moving on really good? or is it because when you get stuck, it moderates you from finding more places to go into hiding?

questions... thoughts. and still grief.

no matter where i go, what i do, whomever im with...

it doesn't change anything.


i miss you so much, tatay.

Monday, February 04, 2008

rainy days and mondays

if were to sing another version of karen carpenter's song; it wouldn't be a melancholic soft classic, rather a tune of an instant relief from total boredom by simply walking then running under the rain on a monday morning.

the weather was light and the rain was falling gently... there were snow in the pavements, and some even fell from offices/houses. its something i haven't experienced, that musta have explained why i was just so uncaring of other people's glances, smiles or confusion. it felt like flying, or like i was in a trance. it was beautiful.

i had this theory that the weather and the spirit are one.

and i've proven that today.
*
*
*
after my flying for a moment/trance like imagery... work was just so snappy!

the things that i've planned turned-out to be really useful. my two days worth of work was done in 3 hours! and not only that, i was able to do my laundry, and im even updating my blog now. i talked to my father too! and then my mom called just to say that she wanted my father to call her up pronto! heheh

im so happy for myself. hahahahah!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

quick update

...before everything pass through 2007

i just want to greet my blog a merry happy christmas and a prosperous kick-ass new year!

2007 has been extremely special. :)

and to more cheers and laughters, lasting serenades under the moonlight, (mis)adventures of a drama queen and random melancholic thoughts of midnight...

welcome 2008!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

last week

pms-sing a lot last week.

horrible week. like im in a limbo. squishing someone until his eyes popped out would have been so easy. nobody cared... like its all my fault, and living with it is the only choice i got. grrrr.

BUT, just before the week end, surprises came (along the highway. buzz!!!).


this entry isn't about my anger... its about the other force brought from a one horrible week.


limbo-rock no. 1:
my father was hospitalized last week. there was water in his lungs, stones in his gallbladder, some rash were found in his skin...

but he's OKAY now. yet! he got out of the hospital last wednesday, and is now in Tuburan. no serious medical procedures were done, and my father learned an important lesson. "CLEAN and HEALTHY LIVING." that would be no smoking, lessen his softdrinks/caffeine intake, drink lots of water, and a well-balanced diet.

limbo-rock no. 2:
this is lame, but maybe not. lol. i found out that someone was using my pictures in her friendster account, and using my exact captions. lol. no further comment.

limbo-rock no. 3:
please refer to my previous post(i dont know how to love him). :D

limbo-rock no. 4
mary texted me that she's on her final interview for a job in singapore, and just today she texted me that she got the job and will probably be leaving for singapore this December. im so happy for her, but for selfish reason i was sad too. this would mean i would see less of her. see? very selfish. tsk tsk tsk. BUT BUT, for another selfish reason, this would mean more connections to go to worldwide for my future travels. wheeeh! hahahah!

:D

Thursday, October 04, 2007

i don't know how to love him

i don't know how to love him. what to do, how to move him... i've been changed, yes really changed. in these past few days when i've seen myself, i seem like someone else.

i don't know how to take this. i don't see why he moves me. he's a man. he's just a man. and i've had so many men before in very many ways... he's just one more.

should i bring him down? should i scream and shout? should i speak of love? let my feelings out? i never thought i'd come to this... what's it all about?

don't you think it's rather funny? i should be in this position? i'm the one who's always been so calm, so cool, no lover's fool, running every show... he scares me so.

i never thought i'd come to this... what's it all about?

if he said he loved me - i'd be lost; i'd be frightened. i couldn't cope, just couldn't cope. i'd turn my head. i'd back away. i wouldn't want to know. he scares me so.

yet...

i want him so. i love(?!?) him so.

Monday, October 01, 2007

"when in doubt, follow your heart."


my fortune cookie is a wizard of love. dum dee dum dum... can this be real?




Thursday, September 13, 2007

this is for my future boyfriend!

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars, pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional... but I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and...

What I'm trying to say, "My-Future-Boyfriend" is... I think I love you. Is this love, M-F-B? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange. No fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

anna and the king

most people don’t see the world as it is, they see it as they are. a good king needs a broader view.

my husband was never threatened by my ideas and opinions.

life is precious, especially when you're a Christian and only allowed one.

i would like to know why, if science can unravel something as beautiful as music... why it cannot possess a solution for a schoolteacher and a king.

the manner in which people might understand such new possibilities is also process of evolution.

it is always surprising how small a part of life is taken up by meaningful moments. most often they are over before they start, although they cast a light on the future and make the person who originated them... unforgettable!


i watched Anna and the King for the nth time, this time in youtube. (youtube is amazing!)

i really really like this movie. they fused two different worlds; and i love how the traditional values and culture were showed and then combined that with a globalized approach. i love how smart Anna is! her wisdom awes a king's defiance from his ego. :p i love the gentle heart of the King; a great honorable trait his son inherited. i love that this is an almost true to life story. i love the sceneries. i love how the movie dominated with so much insight of goodness and being evil; selfish dominance is losing; nothing is wrong in standing-up for what you believe; respect is earned not imposed; seeing the world is more than pages from a magazine; and love as the greatest venture no matter which part of the world you are!

wheeeh! im gonna watch it again. hahahah! i've forgotten how much i love this film until i saw it again in youtube. go watch it, too! :D (and i am really promoting piracy. lol)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

randomized: part ii

just when i am sure of a decision, another option came up. pero bahala na! kevs na. hahahah!

========

below are few parts of my query to Cornelio about his observation on my veronika-like-of-personality.

Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:17:42 AM): pareha mo ug personality
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:17:48 AM): nganung invisible dy ka?

jopet (10/11/2007 7:18:01 AM): kay naa man koi gihimo... hehehe
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:18:10 AM): lolz
jopet (10/11/2007 7:18:12 AM): unsa man na personality?
jopet (10/11/2007 7:18:17 AM): suicidal?
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:18:21 AM): di uy
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:18:48 AM): basaha gud iya thoughts before cya nag suicide attempt

jopet (10/11/2007 7:18:58 AM): wa man koi book...
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:18:59 AM): pareha jud kau s imu gsulti once
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:20:58 AM): nganung ask dy ka bwt sa veronika stuff?

jopet (10/11/2007 7:21:10 AM): na curious lang ko...
jopet (10/11/2007 7:21:20 AM): ni sud lang sa ako mind...
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:21:31 AM): hahaha
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:21:36 AM): basaha balik
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:21:43 AM): pareha jud mu ug personality

jopet (10/11/2007 7:21:43 AM): unsa day iya gisulti before siya nag suicide?
jopet (10/11/2007 7:21:53 AM): naa man to siya sa murag convent, dba?
jopet (10/11/2007 7:22:37 AM): wa man koi kwarta ipalit ug libro... hahahah wa baya koi trabaho...
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:22:49 AM): lolz
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:22:56 AM): nag unsa ra dy ka dha?
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:23:00 AM): musta n dy ka?

jopet (10/11/2007 7:23:10 AM): ambot... hahah
jopet (10/11/2007 7:23:27 AM): feeling naku i have so many personalities
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:23:34 AM): di pa man kha ka suicidal?
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:23:36 AM): 
loll
jopet (10/11/2007 7:23:38 AM): di sad oi...
jopet (10/11/2007 7:24:01 AM): unsa day gi-ingon ni veronika?
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:25:41 AM): basically, k2ng imung gsulti s-una bwt murag predictability s lyf and stuff and how murag
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:25:44 AM): i dunno
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:25:45 AM): hahah
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:25:49 AM): kalimot njd ko

jopet (10/11/2007 7:26:24 AM): ahahah
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:26:30 AM): if mkabasa ka blik, mksabot rka
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:26:42 AM): lolz

jopet (10/11/2007 7:27:01 AM): wa na man ko ka remember sa akong gipangsulti sa una
jopet (10/11/2007 7:27:11 AM): intense man gud kaayo to atong ubang conversations
jopet (10/11/2007 7:27:16 AM): basin na carried away ko hahahah
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:27:22 AM): lolz
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:27:29 AM): di pet uy.
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:27:41 AM): if naa jud kay book kelangan dad-on everywhere
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:27:54 AM): veronika decides to die is the book for u
Cornelio Jaca (10/11/2007 7:27:56 AM): hahaha


he also said, that i am a "sophist"! like imelda marcos. lolz. he said that after i told him that Mr. Big (from sex and the city dude) is gay! that started a banter on views of men and women, theories and facts. AND... after he read the seventh book of harry potter, said that Severus Snape's character and mine's are so alike.

go figure!

Cornelio is a dear friend whom i shared all sorts of conversations with. our conversations are not even serious, mostly about outlandish phenomenon and unique creatures. heheh! Corny's ideas are stimulating... and sometimes annoying. hahah! regardless, i respect his opinion.

========

i am officially a coffee drinker! caramel macchiato, yum yum. :)

randomized

my laptop has not lived. :( he died seven days ago, and he died in my arms. no words can equal the amount of sadness i felt the last seven days, but i should learn how to let go.

i should not consume myself with petty things, as if i can live long enough to see drastic changes of his world. my ancestors had not seen a laptop, but they had lovely portraits hanged in the wall and treasured photographs carefully posted upon old albums, letters kept in wooden treasure box, their music still being enjoyed until now (my mom kept the old music box of my lolo)... and something tells me that they lived a happy full life. a life of no additional or sideline dramas. hahahah

i now accept my laptop's early demise.

========

my mom is learning how to chat! she is currently trying her best to be in tune to the ways of the new world that she insisted on having an email and a friendster. gawd! i certainly do not want her on friendster! hay naku, i can just imagine her constant rantings... but i love it when i am chatting with my mother. she is the cutest... always amazed by her little discoveries and her persuassion to know new things. she has been doing a great job!

========

its 6 years since the September 11 bombing; and six years since airport tightened their security measures, uncertainties of racism, damaging of growth in Iraq, flooding of troops, war and death, matters of retribution, virtues of freedom and religion... a sad memory relives today, but may we redefine peace and abandon our fears. let us pray for the lives lost and for a continued healing of a once bruised nation.

peace is not something you wish for; its something you make, something you do, something you are and something you give away. - john lennon

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

my saddest downfall

my laptop just crashed!

dead.

along with my thousands and thousands of pictures, gazillions hard to find music collection, my most treasured videos, my short stories, wonderfully crafted notes of experience, plans and dreams... my other half... gone.

i know i should have them transferred to the portable hardrive my cousin gave me. i should have asked for copies of those handy geniuses that wrap-ups a geek world often known as installers. i should have been more careful. i should have... but i didn't.

my other half... gone. i didn't even give him a name.

i pray for miracles. may a mysterious light illuminates the dark horror that overshadows my laptop... may a force overthrows its vulnerability emblazons not an error but an awakening glory. may goodness and greatness reconsider my laptop's existence for a few moments more... so it can impart me its mytique.


=======
please, ako lang jud unta mabalhin ang files. 1 more hour, please please please...


=======
ps:
special thanks for my cousin's genrousity of time, she had to wait three hours in the store as i tried my very best to explain why i can't just send my laptop to the manufaturer and have it fixed, i need my filess so badly. i must thank her also for allowing me to use her laptop. i have this great opportunity to shout all of these to the universe.

Friday, August 31, 2007

rantings

i was so happy yesterday, and i am much much happier now.

what a major improvement!

i have reached a conclusion that there will never be an absolute happiness, the same way as absolute misery... or absolute truth or absolute freedom. things will always be somewhere in between. a lesser or a higher degree of an emotion makes a remarkable difference to say that you are happy... or miserable... or when you know the actual truth.. or manifesting a sensation of being free.

so where i am now?

my degree of happiness is higher at this moment, so i'll say that i am happy! what about tomorrow? tomorrow is too far from now. my non-existent barometer has yet to figure that out.

LOL. i am getting too weird. i know that im weird, but this weirdness of looking for explanation... or in my constant analyzation of the could bes, had beens... had not been making an Einstein out of me, but more of a Veronika (Paulo Coelho's Veronika) minus the suicidal tendency of her paranoia. my good friend Cornelio, once compared me to Veronika.. i wish i can still recall his exact reason for saying such, but i do remember that it was one of Veronika's explantion with certain events... ah, now im curious! got to ask Corny and hope he won't be palugit. :p

do other people my age think and feel this way?(please say yes. heheh) this feeling of knowing a plan and unknown possibilities presents us with the unknown. (what else?) BUT we find ourself contending so we say, "ah, little mysteries are intriguing. the unknowns spice up our life!" but does it really?

sure, we find glory in achieving those close-to-impossible dreams; achievements nourishes confidence. but what about the other side of it? those who failed.... those who looked back and say, i wish i didn't do it. if only i listened to blah blah... our regrets of emotion are suddenly pouring down.

BUT (and again... we say no! we should not give too easily. oh no, no, no, no, no! life is beautiful!!! this is justified when people rise up after a downfall. oh... such courageous strong contender those people really are. how brave! they never never let go... we set our fears aside too, and look at them with our eyes full of admiration. BUT, what about those at the other side? those who let go?

i am not cynical, nor i am letting my pessimism drown me... i am only thinking of those who are cynical and let their pessimism drown them. i am most of all, not knowledgeable to any these things. i am at this point in life where i am neither here nor there... mentally wandering to explore my opposing forces. i am happy now, but will my non-existent barometer rise up? or will it be less than tomorrow? i am in nowhere in my universe to say that i have my dreams, i know what to do... but can i do it? and if i can, will it really serve its purpose?


maslow said, self-actualization.

mao siguro ni. wa pa na naku na achieve.

...rantings. heheh. nice. now, to catch my plane for chicago. au revoir! mabuhay!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

i feel good!

i knew that i would!

i am so relieved! the trip brought my spirit back to reality/fantasy that often engages to climactic change of scenery, pondered thoughts during long drives, captured kodak moments, fresh experience, meeting people of different colors, gazing at the sky's multiple transparent colors... indeed, we have a wonderful beautiful world.




Thursday, August 23, 2007

somewhere in time

beyond fantasy. beyond obsession.
beyond time itself, he will find her.


Celebrating the success of his first play, Richard Collier (Christopher Reeve) is approached by an elderly woman who presses an antique pocket watch into his hand and whispers, "Come back to me." A few years later, during a period of writer's block, he sees a photograph in a hotel museum, and learns that this elderly woman was once a talented and lovely actress. Drawn mysteriously to the expression on the woman's face in the photograph, he turns to a former professor for insights on time travel. For he must find her, even if he has to go back to 1912 to do so.




and "1912" in this film is Mackinac Island.

automobiles are not allowed in the island. i read that they care so much for the environment that prohibits tourists from using automobiles, and for that they have my respect. they however offer horse drawn carriage tours, horse drawn taxi service, trail riding, boating, kayaking, biking... as primary means of transportation around the island. or primary means can also mean your feet. yes, take a hike. that would be fun.


breath-taking sceneries of Mackinac Island i found in google.





...tomorrow, i'll be able to experience all of these. superman! hahah!

Monday, August 20, 2007

basta blogger, sweet lover!

for a moment, i thought of changing a new account. i can't open my blog last week, and i know another blogger who had a hard time logging in too! devah turtlepace? lol! only that i love my blog so much... i don't think i can bare a change of residency. let's have a quick flashback.

a long long time ago, in a far away land... there was a nameless could-be-blogger encouraged by a then blogger known as Turtlepace. the uncanny self-conscious nameless could-be-blogger was inept to gauch of writing her thoughts and revealing to Turtlepace that she does not find it too comfortable sharing her thoughts to possible onlookers. Turtlepace was rather calm in saying that more than one's doubt, blogging can be fun in many ways... as she experienced it herself. the nameless could-be-blogger pondered and pondered this... for centuries, she was sleepless... troubled... then, one stormy night... in her bulging dark eyes, she opened her computer and knew from then on that her love for writing dominated her doubts and fears... a feisty realization was discovered, illuminating the dark whisky crisps of midnight albeit any after effects of highlighting a person's thoughts especially those meaningful ones. hush... hush... resonates the wind. in silence, she said, "an intimate personal detail as in those prone to internet frauds (a highly traumatic incident), would depend on how they will be disclosed in anyway safe but poetic... and really, there are still certain things best kept than shared".

that nameless could-be-blogger is now not so nameless anymore and continued blogging up to the present time. and yes, she has experienced the fun in blogging too! in Time Magazine, April 3015 Edition, Petjology generously revealed that being a blogger gave her an incredible opportunity to whisper her thoughts to the universe, because maybe the universe is listening each time.

-the end-


that's my fictional true to life story as a blogger, and loving it. thanks to turtlepace, who by the way turned 22 last saturday!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

i can't wait to do the many things i can't do

now

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

...

I Won't Last A Day Without You

Day after day, I must face a world of strangers
Where I don't belong, I'm not that strong

It's nice to know that there's someone I can turn to
Who will always care, you're always there

When there's no gettin' over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you

So many times when the city seems to be
Without a friendly face, a lonely place
It's nice to know that you'll be there if I need you
And you'll always smile, it's all worthwhile


When there's no gettin' over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you

Touch me and I end up singing
Trouble seems to up and disappear
You touch me with the love you're bringing
I can't really lose when you're near
When you're near, my love

If all my friends have forgotten half their promises
They're not unkind, just hard to find
One look at you and I know
That I must learn to live without the rest
I've found the best

When there's no gettin' over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you

When there's no gettin' over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day
without you



========
was ready to go to sleep, listening to my ipod, putting my sleeping socks on... and then i heard karen carpenter singing this song! and mao ra to... mao ra to ang reason na nanghubag akong mata karon. kamingaw sa world. :( first time, since i arrived that i cried for homesick-ness. i guess im not really that strong! and i need to cry that, and more.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

watch-out!

am i ready?
i can never be ready.
but i have to be

ready...get set...go! :))


Dreamer's Manifesto

I, Jo Pauline Allego, choose to live a life of adventure, excitement, service, joy, spontaneity and love. I choose to love. And as I love I live. As I live I give. As I give I serve. As I serve I step closer to the reality of my dreams.

I will dream. I will dream big and amazing and spectacular and awesome dreams. I will live my dreams and not compromise for the sake of security or safety or comfort. I will jump-out of my comfort zone and embrace change.

Change, whom I fear. Change, whom I dread. I will seek to live beyond what I can, believing that the God whom I trust is much, much bigger and greater than any obstacle I may face.

I will face my fear. I will stop running away from it and turn around. And when I am face-to-face and eye-to-eye with it I will grab the bull by its balls and make it scream surrender.

I surrender. I surrender to my great Destiny, knowing deep in my heart I am destined for excellence. I am destined for greatness.

Not mediocrity, not conformity. Not in arrogance but with the mantle of humility placed upon me. Because this is not about me. This is about humanity.

I will persevere for the sake of humanity, who need men inflamed by passion that will ignite the hearts of the timid and fearful souls to push on and soar higher.

And I will do all this not ten years from now when I am free.
Not five years from now when I have the money.
Not one year from now when I am ready.
Not one month from now when all is steady.
Not one week from now when I know how.
Not even tomorrow because tomorrow is far from now.
I will live my dreams
now
and I will act now.

========
credits to Jourdan the Dreamer, the man behind Dreamer's Manifesto.


========
angel duties:
1. as an angel undercover, i properly segrated the kitchen utensils into their respective cabinet.
2. i helped a dear friend solve her friendster-picture-issues.

and that's it. lol. i think im a failure on this job. heheh! but, never stop trying. :)

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

im going to be an angel undercover!

a conversation about angels was brought once upon a choir practice. Tita Lourdes, my aunt's doctor, enlightened the group that in times of crisis, our angels do help us. they can be that stranger who offered a helping hand when you had a flat tire (as another choir member related this scenario...and from which Tita Lourdes then concluded that that was her angel in disguise). or that filipino guy who helped me in my luggages when i was having too much difficulty pulling them out from that baggage claim thing. or maybe on those times when we are alone in a crowd of stranger, then one or two person would somehow make that awkward situation light and easy... or when we sigh upon seeing certain scenarios who wronged a certain negative conclusion we've made that day... they could be anyone and anything. our angel could be in any form of positive force, and they will always be in us. ergo, we are all angels if we want to.

and im going to be like that... that persona of angels or that positive force! hehehe may the force be with you. lol. seriously, since i don't have a job right now, why not make this my job. and these past few days as i started my job haunt, had been nothing but negative vibes. i have been feeling so low. felt so useless. and i was so.... so... basta! i don't have the words for it. how would you feel if your looking for a job then received a reply the next day only to find out that its a hoax. a could-be swindle. the first time would be okay... but the second time... third time... would really make you so angry. so so... so you know. heheh! then behold, i received another email, saying that they would want me as a financial advisor. hmmm... sounds good! for a while, i imagined msyelf imitating the fabulous Rebecca Bloomwood. lol! but i was so scared to call them back. i think being a newbie in this country, i would probably have a hard time as a financial advisor... its so hard to discuss your clear intentions the american way of saying them. i don't think i would know their wants basing from the way they talk, gestures, eye movements...etc... im still weighing the pros and cons, though. then, while i was doing that... this morning, another could-be-job called! and well... what a major disaster. the conversation went like this:


me: hello? *surprised when my aunt told me who it was*
QuickenLoans: hello! this is ____ from Quicken Loans, is this jo?
me: yes. this is jo.
QL: hi jo! i was able to looked through your resume from careerbuilder.com, is this the right time to talk?
me: sure. yeah. *panic mode*
QL: what are you looking for in a job?
me: mostly administrative jobs, or data entries...
QL: what exactly, coz we have a lot blah blah (i did not know exactly what she was saying... then i thought that maybe she was asking for specifics. boot-boot dayon ko.)
me: well, accounting jobs. stuff like that... or bookkeeping.
QL: how soon can you exactly work?
me: *didn't understand* what?
QL: how soon can you work?
me: *super panic*
*pause*
hello? hello? *pretending to lose my signal* ahahahahahah!
QL: hello? are you still there?
me: yes, sorry about that. what was the question again?
QL: how soon can you work?
me: *now getting the message clear* oh.... anytime! im free anytime.
QL: thank you jo. i will forward your resume to blah blah blah.... and will soon call you back.
me: okay. thank you. thanks a lot.
QL: no problem.
me: bye.
QL: bye.

i don't think they'll ever call back. so for the meantime, i'll be an Angel Undercover.

may the force guide you!



=======
this is my seventh post for this month.
lucky 777!
weeeh!

Monday, July 30, 2007

"when you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed."

-the alchemist


wa lang. ganahan ko ani nga pagkasulti. i can't understand why honesty when given is sometimes rebuffed and rubbed on to you as some misguided information. oftentimes, it isn't as friendly as its supposed to be especially when in the act of doing that honesty pains one, two or so... the "truth hurts" daw... but i like it when people are honest. je prefere.

Monday, July 23, 2007

after 7 years

the last harry potter book's out and secrets have been revealed, atlast!

i went to the Harry Potter Party last Friday and managed to grab the seventh book at 1am. games, magic acts and contests were enjoyed by harry potter fans throughout the evening as the books had to be given at yet midnight(there was a long line in waiting that's why i got mine at 1 am). i was fascinated by how people, or err, fans displayed too much inclination to the world of Harry Potter in their fashionably wicked costumes. there was Hermione, Dobby the house elf, Dumbledore, Trelawney, Bellatrix, Luna Lovegood, The Weasleys, Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter of course. the night was indeed, magic! i was extremely happy and content. my cousin told me, upon seeing that i was receiving my book, that she felt as though it was my graduation day! lol.

after i received my book! i can really see it now how happy i must have been. my eyes were even twinkling!


we were home at 2am, and yes, i began reading the book even if i was already too sleepy. J.K. Rowling wrote that it will be the last installment of the epic tale of Harry Potter. for some reason and maybe with that awkward fact that i am a sentimental freak, a sudden feeling so poignant that like Harry who for seven years of adventures in the Wizarding World, i too had started reading his story seven years ago.

seven must be some sort of enchantment this year, i thought.

a lot of things had happened in those seven years. for harry, was him figting against the Dark Lord... while i, was curious of the ways of the world.(sakto jud si clang-clang... i-apil-apil jd dayn naku ako self. ahahahah! but that's not my point) everything from that enormous detail of years had contributed greatly to the person that i am now. like graduations, choices of whats and who, resentments, hopes, friendships, frustrations, migration...etc...etc... and in between was me waiting for the next harry potter book! waiting patiently as to what truth is really out there... and who caused who... and why is there a constant connection of the Dark Lord and the Boy Who Lived...

and then i thought, this waiting-in-vain kind of thing... through that whole seven years, was a defiant truth of an equally familiar situation.

you see, seven years ago... i fell in love. lol!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

bloody pottahrrr!

but of course, i watched Harry Potter's Order of the Phoenix with thy spells chanting zapping zee wicked unfalsely hour of daylight. it was kick-ass!

the best of all the Harry Potter movies is the Order of the Phoenix. to think that book five was my least preferred of the HP Series.

exceptional fave is Dolores Umbridge! *hands down* the sinister angelic smile of that devil had her own the character! i love the complete look of Bellatrix (the name is zappin, by the way)... and i thought Luna Lovegood is the cooloest eccentric person i know (we fly, ofcourse)... and gawd, Harry Potter is a man!(almost) lol. Hermione is still very pretty... Ron is still a red-head... and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore is still my hero!

one cannot question love. yes, when soul-sucking dementors, fair-weather friends, a dark lord and a bond of deep friendship has got you surrounded... semi-clueless but not helpless, and especially when you happen to be "the boy who lived" out from a mother's love.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

lucky 777

happy birthday to my father!
love and miss yah lots.

Friday, June 22, 2007

jo

the jo who is me(ehem!) is now with the jos(them!).

its four days after my premier in the united states, and four nights after that through and thorough questions from a strict migration officer who was very particular about my 7-months stay in the Philippines. he warned that the next time i'll stay that long he will take my permanent resident card (my greencard)... experienced the hardships traveling alone in the presence of two mighty heavy luggage, a handcarry and a handbag. hands down to chivalry amidst the 21st century air... and how can i ever forget the detour flying? as someone had a heart attack! waited an hour and a half to all that drama of paramedics, doctors and hot hot passengers complaint of missing their next flight. gosh... someone is dying already, and they can't even stop thinking about their next schedule? much love here. lol. and i thought that was the end of it, but to no avail was i still stuck with lady luck! lol! my next flight has its own story to tell too! just as we were about to go airborne, the pilot found a default in the sytem. they had to cleaned it consuming 30 or 40 minutes of my time. i must be really lucky, the star! lol.

thus, i was four and a half hours delayed... causing commotion of thy parents and rigid phone calls to my aunts and uncles all over the states inquiring what must have had happend to me. you see, my name is lucky, see.... that my phone died. :D so for the past 20 hours, they have no idea what ever happened to me... for my parents, especially my mom, that's just way beyond the limit. ehehe.

but really, im okay the whole time. i was more than happy when we had to make the detour. it might have been so much hassle, but it saved someone's life. or with the default that Mr. Pilot saw, otherwise, terrible things might have really happened. my two big bags, no problem. im glad i brought most of my stuff. i miss my books, though. and to Mr. Officer who warned me, thank you too sir. you have no idea, how you changed my life.

so far, so good.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

You Belong in Paris

Stylish and expressive, you were meant for Paris.
The art, the fashion, the wine!
Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park...
You'll love living in the most chic place on earth.

im not sure if they included cebu city, manila, bangkok, victoria, and other cities in asia. heheh!




Your Career Personality: Idealistic, Service-Oriented, and Future-Oriented



Your Ideal Careers:



Alternative health practitioner

Architect

Environmental lawyer

Librarian

Magazine editor

Museum curator

Novelist

Nutritionist

Photo journalist

Playwright


environmental lawyer. oh yeah. magazine editor. wow. museum curator. why not? novelist. not bad. photo journalist. a dream job. playwright. would love to.

now, architect? i love architecture and im a sucker of good art and stuff... but man, i just can't draw a straight line. *sobs* librarian. love books, but i wouldn't love the job. nutritionist. i have an unhealthy balanced diet. lol. alternative health practioner. what's that?

Monday, April 23, 2007

scrapbook

3 more days... and i'll buy myself a scrapbook! the scratchy kind. something not beautiful so it would not intimidate me as i start doodling my "dream-plan". my all sorts of wishlists and fantasies and lists will be featured in that scratchy kind of scrapbook. i will take it as a guide and an organizer. a partner. lol! (kidding with the last part, but thinking of changing my mind)

it was MARY who gave me that scrapbook-idea. she told me that for dreams to be always remembered and be realized, you have to write them as this will help our conscious mind in our everyday doing. when we just put things in our head, there is tht tendency of putting off, and/or forgetting them, or worse, when we lose the guts and the determination in doing that dream.

im sure you guys have lots and lots of dreams. we all do. and as for me these dreams are to be scrapped-out soon:

1. ride hot air balloon!
2. study photography
3. be good at website designing
4. be a good cook like DAD
5. to have a scuba diver's license
6. work in ABSCBN
7. to earn money from a job that i am passionate about
8. i want to meet the Dalai Lama and Paulo Coelho
9. study mandarin (and hopefully be good at it), and basic nihonggo (to help me get by when i'll go to Japan)
10. travel around asia two or three years from now.
11. i also want to experience riding a camel and an elephant. (camel – Dubai (?): elephant – Thailand (im certain they have elephants in Thailand coz my cousin was able to ride one during her visit in Bangkok)
12. learn how to speak French
13. travel around Europe
14. my broadway dream. lol
15. go to Africa and explore their savannas, rainforests... that jungle type of adventure.
16. travel the world, and especially to places only few have gone to.
17. make the Philippines a first world country. (how do i do this? help me with this one, dear friends. of course, there's Clang-Clang the future President. wheeeh!)
18. get married and have a family! :D
19. because i learned how to cook, i will always feed my husband and our future children delicious meals.
20. to be an open minded kind of mother, helping my kids have a mind of their own.
21. to have a garden. it will be the most beautiful garden with a lovely pond with lillies growing and ducks swimming. i will be greeted with birds chirping as the sun rises and a beautiful sunset as the day ends.
22. to have a foundation for the abused women and children; or to be active in a foundation for women and children. any will do. it will all depend on what my resources will be.

...those are just a few of my probable list. and quite impossible too. lol.

as per Paulo Coelho, "it's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting."

as per jopet allego, "every day is dream come true, and thats what makes life interesting."